Peace

Currently I am going through the study "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst as well as participating in the 24 Day Advocare challenge. This has been an interesting journey causing much reflection and thought about how I view myself and how much I value the opinion of others when it comes to my physical appearance. I have found myself turning more to God and more to his word as I work on this journey of making my body a "temple to the Lord..". As I do this I find a inner peace that I have not had before.

In Chapter 6 Lysa asks us to reflect and choose if 1. We would rather have your physical body altered to be more in tune with what we desire or 2. Have a deep sense of beauty about who we are no matter what shape or form. This question really caused me to pause and think which I would desire. My first instinct was to have my body physically altered and fixed just like that. The area I would want fixed is my tummy...I have thought about a tummy tuck many of times.

I was always the skinny girl the size 00...but then I got older my metabolism changed, I got pregnant and had to have an emergency c section, then I got pregnant again and had another c section. These things change your body and especially the tummy area. Since then my weight has climbed and my belly has gotten bigger and flabbier.  A tummy tuck would be really tempting but would it really change anything other than my appearance?

After much thought and prayer I decided I would rather option 2...to have a deep sense of beauty and peace because that is eternal. More than a cute tummy, or jeans that fit just right I think having a peace bout you does not go unnoticed. Having a deep sense of contentment is what I would desire it spills over into so many other areas of your life. I want my girls to grow up knowing and thinking that they are beautiful no matter what and I can teach them this by feeling this way about myself.
This journey is more than just becoming healthy, losing weight, or looking better. It is about growing closer to God and coming to the realization that I am beautiful just the way He made me.

#Determination

Everything is in God's timing. For the past six months I have been determined to eat healthier, exercise and lose some of this weight I gained since having two kids. I say "having two kids" like it is an excuse and at first 2 years ago maybe it was a valid reason for weight gain...but now it is a result of laziness, and lack of commitment. I didn't realize how much my physical appearance was a part of my identity  until I started gaining more and more weight, my face became more full, my pants larger and larger. I started to have pain in places I had never felt pain before such as my knees, hips, and back.
This past fall through prayer and time in Gods word it weighed heavily on me that if I was bothered by my weight gain and appearance change I needed to make a personal choice to make changes. I started out in November on the 24 day Advocare challenge and was not successful I blamed poor timing but really I just was not determined...I gave up too easily.
The biggest factor missing in my first attempt was God. I wasn't really praying about my goals, I was including God in the equation of change in my life. I decided to try again and this time I am doing it along with the "Made to Crave" study. It has totally changed my outlook to one of feeling isolated and  alone to being with thousands of others on this journey.
I still have my good days and bad but this time when I am struggling or I am feeling tempted I pray about it...I turn to God and it has made all the difference. As of right now I have lost 3 lbs and have already noticed a improvement on my energy and stress levels. I cant wait to see what God has in store for me as I continue this journey more determined than ever!

A Raging Battle

My two biggest issues are material possessions (the need to spend money) and food. It has taken me many years to realize I have a "spending" problem. I have a hard time figuring out needs verses wants. To take money and spend it on clothes, food, "stuff" gives me an emotional rush where I feel good for a while. Then my emotions fall down when I realize I have spent the money I needed for bills and other necessities. I have been on this vicious cycle for years and have made a choice to stop! I have found something that can give me an emotional "high" that will last for days, even weeks....GOD!

It has been a roller coaster, I say I will change and fully intend to and then fail. I get up one day planning to do better and Don't. But this time I am doing something radically different. First my husband and I are going on this journey together...we are talking, praying and supporting one another. Second we are consulting financial coaches through our church to guide and pray for us. We have tried to change on our own countless times and failed...we knew we needed to do something different this time. Third I am praying ALL the time and reading my bible. When I have a desire to spend money or I am not sure I should spend money I am going to God and asking Him in prayer...I am going to the word of God and consulting what the book of truth has to say.

This process is drawing me closer to God and I pray will change me in radical ways. IN ways so evident people will ask and I will be able to share my story one day. I know there will be good days and bad....but I am not trying on my own this time. I have the power of God standing behind me.

A Place of Surrender

Throughout my adult life I have struggled with feelings of failure and defeat. I always look ahead at life.."when I get married...", "when I live on my own...", "when we have more money...", "when we have a house...". Over time I have accomplished many of these goals but never find myself satisfied. I turn to God and ask "Why am I such a failure?" "Why can't I just be happy?". Then I would turn to guilt over these feelings, "I know I am blessed...". This study has helped me to realize I am not alone, nor am I a failure!
When doubt and fear starts to creep in I think about my "I can/am" statements...
1. I am a good mother
2. I am a good wife
3. I do a good job at my career.
I have also started backing these statements up with Gods promises.

"For I know the plans I have for you..."

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well."

"For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love ⁵ he^[a] predestined us for adoption to sonship^[b] through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—"

I also look at my past to see how God has fulfilled the plan he had for my life. I have gone places and experienced things I never could have dreamed of.

I became and wife to a wonderful man...
I became a mother to two beautiful girls...
I have my dream job of teaching...
I lived in Arizona establishing myself as an adult and realizing how valuable and important family is...
God blessed me with a move back close to family....

Lord,
 I surrender my fears, anxiety and worry to you. I know you want what's best for me and although I am not in control you are. Thank you for all the blessings you have bestowed upon me.
Amen.

Isaiah 49:23

I learned to S.O.A.P from Palm Valley Church in Arizona. I had never heard before how you could dissect a scripture verse and really dig into its meaning..I love it. Also through my OBS studies I have learned about verse mapping. Today I am going to S.O.A.P our verse of the week.
S: Scripture, O:Observation, A: Application, P:Prayer

S: "Then you will know that I am the Lord; those who hope in me will not be disappointed.”

O:If we put our hope in the Lord he will not disappoint us. Hope for a better tomorrow, a better world, hope for healing for those that are afflicted by illness, hope that we can full fill the plans the Lord has laid for us.

A: I want to make sure I am careful about this verse, we could easily read it as if you hope in the Lord he will not disappoint meaning you will get what you hope for, but this is not always the case. The Lord knew the path of our life before we were even conceived. Our "hope" is not always the same as Gods plan for our lives, but His plan is so much greater than anything we could ever "hope" for. I believe that we will not be disappointed because although we cannot always fathom God's goodness, grace and mercy, his love for us is unfathomable. When we are able to look back one day although we may feel disappointed that life didn't work how we wanted it planned we will see how Gods glory is so much greater.

P: Dear Lord, Allow me to always have "hope". Not to give in to the devils thoughts of "I cant..I'm not good enough..". Nothing is impossible for the Lord, if you want to heal the ill you can, if you want to save a struggling marriage you can. But I also want to trust in your judgement and follow the path you have laid for my life. I never could have imagined the great life you have planned for me. Thank you for staying by my side each step of this journey. Amen.

Keep Calm Study On!

Wow so excited to be starting my 3rd OBS "A Confident Heart"! I have gone kind of bible study crazy lately I am doing a total of 3 bible studies! In the break between "Saying Yes" and this upcoming study I have been doing:
1. Financial Peace University: This is more of a course than a bible study, but it really is teaching me biblical principals toward my finances and strengthening my marriage. If you have never taken it I highly recommend it!
2. Love Does: I am doing a book study through my church entitled "Love Does". It is about a man who lives and practices Jesus's principal on love. Really inspiring great read!
3. 30 Days to Taming Your Tongue: What You Say (and Don't Say) Will Improve Your Relationships: Wow is this a powerful study I am doing with a group of women through my work. As I first glanced at the chapters I thought "this doesn't apply to me, I don't do this" but as I began reading I quickly realized how wrong I was. None of us our perfect but this study has made me so aware of how powerful our words really are.

As I grow closer to Christ I desire more and more to know and understand better the principals of the bible and the lessons he wants us to learn. I am going through a lot of changes in my life right now many as a result of our last study "Saying Yes to God". I cant wait to see how through my choices I can have "confidence" to follow through with the choices I have made.

Dear Lord,
 Allow me to seek you always, and grow closer to you through this study. Thank you for all the leaders who are willing to accept your call.
Amen.

Wholly Committed

Wholly Committed – Is God calling you to a deeper level of commitment?
I am currently doing two studies... one through my online bible study group "What Happens When Women Say Yes" and "The Resolution for Women". God is amazing me through the message He is giving me. I even heard the message this past Sunday at church.
God has been questioning where I spend my time, who do I spend it with? Where are my priorities and is God the center of it all? I don't spend my time with too many frivolous things as I don't have time for it...most of my time is dedicated to: Parenthood, being a wife, My job, My church/faith, and friends. It was hard for me to look at these things and figure out where to cut back.
Over the past year not only has God been telling me I am spread too thin but I have had family and friends suggesting I cut back, and not try to be "perfect". So I have re looked at my priorities, and realizing if I don't get to everything and do everything and be with everyone God is OK with that. God is OK as long as I am fully committed to Him and His will for my life.
What is my goal? Is it trying to make others happy, to look good at my job? Or am I committed to God, is my life dedicated to him. I made the choice that God is not a priority he is not on my list but rather God is at the center, I am putting God all throughout. Not just my priorities, but my daily life.I have made the choice to be wholly committed to God. I cant wait to see how God will use me for His good works.